It is 9.45pm I am upwaiting for the 4th load of washing I have done since 3pm today to finish so I can hang the light things over my dinky over the door hanger clothesline thingy, then BED we have to be up at 6.50am to be ready fed showered and out the door by 7.45am for rugby (going to Te Kuiti), then from there onto TAURANGA (to see Al, Jaxx, Keren, Debbie n Kevin ) all in less than 24 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have packed already and even have our spare single fold up bed in the back of the car, blankets etc, in the morning all we have to load in is toothbrushes one more blanket, pillows, and, because we are away I worked today from 9am - until 3pm then came home stripped 3 beds and remade, did 4 loads washing (1 load inside already drying LIGHT things spread between over door hanger and one clotheshorse), the rest is sheets towels and uniforms!!!!! allw shed ready to hang out in the morning and a small amount of clothes.THEN I cleaned the bathroom, kitchen and GOT tea on and served up DID the dishes all by 6.30pm! then cleaned toilet and my son vaccumed whole of the house, WHILST I was doing all that though my son packed bag for tomorrow (RUGBY), his bag for going to Tauranga, then his BAG for Karate(MONDAY and we will be late back on Sunday), ALSO his bag for his SKI TRIP on Tuesday so I could see if anything else was needed before then BECAUSE I HATE running around at the last minute looking for things!!!!!! BECAUSE my pet hate is rushing around AND I like to be organised beforehand (mostly) AND I SURE as hell didnt want to come home to washing and housework!!! I friggin hate that more!!!!!!!
And on that note people my washing is finished and I must search through for the light things and then head to NAE NAE's!!!!!!!
Ciao
Friday, August 07, 2009
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Didn't WIN!! WASHING AGAIN and CHILDLESS
Well its no surprise I didn't win the competition but you had to be too win. A $5000 shopping spree at selected stores, oh well another time.
Woke to a beautiful sunny day and YIP I managed to round up a load of washing I am keeping on top of my washing because AS I AM CHILDLESS (son away and student away) I wanted no stress I am off to dinner tonight a lie in of sorts tomorrow AND NO lunches to make, no young people to organise(although I do LOVE IT), breakfast in peace ONLY one set of dishes!!!
And in that load of washing only 4 items to IRON EVEN blardy better!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is meant to be sunny too MIGHT manage a walk in yay...
Teacher Aide work was nice today had too sincere THANK you's from 2 of my 3 students today and their work is improving slightly so thats a bonus too.
In a few weeks I may also GET ONE WHOLE day off work (a monday) am planning a shopping jaunt to ROTORUA with a friend and lunch (sushi our FAVOURITE place) the family I work for are away for the week soon(22-27 AUG) on a skiing holiday AND that means no late afternoon/nights for me YAY also they go on a sunday and dont get back until the following sunday SO I get in fact 8-9 days off!!!!! (pity I couldn't rig the Teacher Aide work to coincide and have a decent break!!!!) never mind I am going to walk every day IN THE RAIN if I HAVE TOO!!!!!! AND about that break WITH RUGBY season over by then NO RUGBY PRACTICES or games and running around and maybe down to one night KARATE practice I might just get a decent breather!!!! (fingers crossed)...... IT IS now out there in the UNIVERSE so be it!!!!
On that spiritual note
Ciao
Woke to a beautiful sunny day and YIP I managed to round up a load of washing I am keeping on top of my washing because AS I AM CHILDLESS (son away and student away) I wanted no stress I am off to dinner tonight a lie in of sorts tomorrow AND NO lunches to make, no young people to organise(although I do LOVE IT), breakfast in peace ONLY one set of dishes!!!
And in that load of washing only 4 items to IRON EVEN blardy better!!!!!!!
Tomorrow is meant to be sunny too MIGHT manage a walk in yay...
Teacher Aide work was nice today had too sincere THANK you's from 2 of my 3 students today and their work is improving slightly so thats a bonus too.
In a few weeks I may also GET ONE WHOLE day off work (a monday) am planning a shopping jaunt to ROTORUA with a friend and lunch (sushi our FAVOURITE place) the family I work for are away for the week soon(22-27 AUG) on a skiing holiday AND that means no late afternoon/nights for me YAY also they go on a sunday and dont get back until the following sunday SO I get in fact 8-9 days off!!!!! (pity I couldn't rig the Teacher Aide work to coincide and have a decent break!!!!) never mind I am going to walk every day IN THE RAIN if I HAVE TOO!!!!!! AND about that break WITH RUGBY season over by then NO RUGBY PRACTICES or games and running around and maybe down to one night KARATE practice I might just get a decent breather!!!! (fingers crossed)...... IT IS now out there in the UNIVERSE so be it!!!!
On that spiritual note
Ciao
Sunday, August 02, 2009
END of DAY and what a day.
I managed to find 1 more load of washing MY SHEETS and other SHEETS, it was 2pm, sun and wind still out and I thought WHAT THE HELL I,ll do them and I did SO ALL in ALL 7 loads washing in less than 24 hours! and all dry AND ALL folded and ALL IRONING DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN I did the grocery shopping as well so I have started my week ahead and in credit (time management wise)yay I soooo love days like that housework polished off and even school lunches sorted I am up early tomorrow as I am in a competition at 7am on the Radio WILL TELL ya'll IF I WIN!!!!!! then Im off to LTSA for a warrant before work then its groundhog day again too and it starts the week as per the norm and into BUT bearing in mind son's maths (he is away for 2days and one night), I dont get the luxury AT ALL of him being away from me and its certainly well deserved on my part I feel.I am cruising trade me for bargains and just relaxing!Hace a good week everyone.
Ciao
Ciao
Lotto,Rugby,Rain,Students,Maths,Karate...
Have had an interesting few weeks 3 Saturday's ago I was checking my lotto online and I had 5 numbers the 6th number was 38 I HAD FARKING 37!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well the $520 came very in handy had visions of getting a second hand fridge BUT the TV BLEW UP ($190 to fix) certainly am not going to throw $1000 at a new TV thats for real!, then on the THURSDAY after the WIN......................................MY CAR died (new starter motor IT WAS ROOTED cost $195 for a second hand one, OR $480 FOR NEW one) and then I bought 3 pairs of shoes for my son ALL 1/2 price $180 worth of shoes for $90 was wrapt, some slazenger sneakers for $27, some WORLD SUEDE black shoes $60 each for $30 a pop one a size 8 MY BOY has shot up 2 sizes in 4 months!!!! and a size 9 AS I detest having to pay full price when the boys grow so darn fast!!!! WE spray his shoes with leather protect and HIS shoes last for ages (inbetween the outgrowing stage!) I was thrilled with those purchases.
Rugby is nearing an end and boy we have been lucky with the weather only 2 NASTY rainy days BUT yesterday we had torrential RAIN and MUD and GUESS who got the friggin jersey's to WASH ME ME ME... The socks alone was one whole load 20 pairs and THEY had to be rinsed first (20 min cycle), then I put them on HEAVY duty wash, then each load of jersy's had to be rinsed (20 min cycles again) THERE WERE 3 loads of jerseys!!!! (with one towel in each load!) MAIN load heavy duty wash takes 1hr 40 mins!!!!! (the socks and jerseys were the cleanest I have seen them ALL SEASON!) so 6 HOURS OF washing yesterday FROM 3 pm just for RUGBY washing I then had 2 loads of our clothes to do well 1 load clothes 1 load sheets and towels !!!!!!!! I started washing at 3pm last load finished 10.30pm!!!!!!!my line today is absolutely BULGING and I have washing on every surface imaginable deck chairs and 2 CLOTHESHORSES even!!!!!!! I hung the socks on a dinky over the door clotheshorse hanger all 20 pairs fitted great and were evenly spaced out and they dried overnight in the heat of our nightstore heating, and are currently in the hot water cupboard!!!!! AND strangely enough I found 1 load this morning to do our pyjamas and 1 towel...... I am in washing heaven I have just finished my ironing and am very pleased with myself, just 6 items ont he line to iron and thats me for today, INBETWEEN all that I did the housework, usual kitchen bathroom toilet etc vaccum and dusted (my son vaccums and dusts and did the skirting boards and the dishes thank goodness!!)
ALL I can say is thank GOD for the sun and the little bit of wind IT IS SURE helping the washing has been out since 7.30am and is even dear I say it half dry......
I had a language student for 3 weeks he went then I have another a 12 yr old (turns 13 on 20th Aug) he was at a homestay no TV no COMPUTER and no KIDS!!!!!! how boring he is here for 8 weeks my son and him have hit it off like brothers they are getting on marvellously (he has 4 sisters and a little brother so probably enjoys company his own age and a boy too) I was meant to have a break from the students but this boy had been at the homestay 5 nights and was ABSOLUTELY bored!!!!!!!!!!!!! poor thing he arrived thursday and since then him and my son have biked, walked into town, walked to the pools, gone to the movies, and RUGBY yesterday of course and have played playstation, battleships, cards, PHEW there has been other things in there too BUT I JUST cant remember them!!!!!
My Teacher Aide work has started again in Earnest and it is nice to be back at school strangely enough so I am now working Mon to Friday 8.30 - 5.30pm and the ODD saturday work!!!! So I am busy busy busy and love it....
Samuel has been practising hardout for KARATE his grading is AUGUST `12th and 13th, he has been to Karate Mon and Thurs, Rugby Training Tues and Thurs (rugby thurs 4 - 5 Karate Thurs 5.30 - 7.30pm), then Rugby Saturday, HE IS a machine and I have purchased protein bars for him and a HEALTH fluid replacement (not powerade or Mizone) from the health stores a natural plant product much better for him.
My son won 2nd in Speech contest was pipped by half a point for first!!!!!!!!!!!! He won $50 whitcoulls voucher!!!!! For his efforts and was proud as punch!!!!!!
He was selected for Maths competition Aug 5th for 2 days to Represent Taupo at a national annual competition!!!! (he is wrapt), he then has Karate on Aug 12th,13th and THEN ...........................................................................................................................................................
HE is training for 2 days for the NZ SQUAD Aug 17th 18th out of the training squad ONLY BROWN and BLACK belts, the NZ TEAM is selected so he is PUMPED and training so hard I hope like hell it pays off HE SO DESERVES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO as you can see we have been flatstick, IF you have got to the end of this THEN GOOD ON YOU!!!!! Now you can see why I post every 3 weeks or so I have much more to say!!!!!
On August 5th I am out to dinner while Samuel is away (the student is also away so has worked in well), THANKS to Jaxx I am using a meal voucher my friend and I are going out to THE SHED!!!!!!!! yay and on that note Hope everyone else is doing ok....
(further to the last few posts the "patient" is doing alot better and the mental health team have been told their pedigree once again.... His employer is the best man I know in NZ, he accommmodates him so well and has made part time employment available any times any days any hours, so he has the ability to stay motivated and busy and occupied (but not just as long hours thats all)........
Ciao
Rugby is nearing an end and boy we have been lucky with the weather only 2 NASTY rainy days BUT yesterday we had torrential RAIN and MUD and GUESS who got the friggin jersey's to WASH ME ME ME... The socks alone was one whole load 20 pairs and THEY had to be rinsed first (20 min cycle), then I put them on HEAVY duty wash, then each load of jersy's had to be rinsed (20 min cycles again) THERE WERE 3 loads of jerseys!!!! (with one towel in each load!) MAIN load heavy duty wash takes 1hr 40 mins!!!!! (the socks and jerseys were the cleanest I have seen them ALL SEASON!) so 6 HOURS OF washing yesterday FROM 3 pm just for RUGBY washing I then had 2 loads of our clothes to do well 1 load clothes 1 load sheets and towels !!!!!!!! I started washing at 3pm last load finished 10.30pm!!!!!!!my line today is absolutely BULGING and I have washing on every surface imaginable deck chairs and 2 CLOTHESHORSES even!!!!!!! I hung the socks on a dinky over the door clotheshorse hanger all 20 pairs fitted great and were evenly spaced out and they dried overnight in the heat of our nightstore heating, and are currently in the hot water cupboard!!!!! AND strangely enough I found 1 load this morning to do our pyjamas and 1 towel...... I am in washing heaven I have just finished my ironing and am very pleased with myself, just 6 items ont he line to iron and thats me for today, INBETWEEN all that I did the housework, usual kitchen bathroom toilet etc vaccum and dusted (my son vaccums and dusts and did the skirting boards and the dishes thank goodness!!)
ALL I can say is thank GOD for the sun and the little bit of wind IT IS SURE helping the washing has been out since 7.30am and is even dear I say it half dry......
I had a language student for 3 weeks he went then I have another a 12 yr old (turns 13 on 20th Aug) he was at a homestay no TV no COMPUTER and no KIDS!!!!!! how boring he is here for 8 weeks my son and him have hit it off like brothers they are getting on marvellously (he has 4 sisters and a little brother so probably enjoys company his own age and a boy too) I was meant to have a break from the students but this boy had been at the homestay 5 nights and was ABSOLUTELY bored!!!!!!!!!!!!! poor thing he arrived thursday and since then him and my son have biked, walked into town, walked to the pools, gone to the movies, and RUGBY yesterday of course and have played playstation, battleships, cards, PHEW there has been other things in there too BUT I JUST cant remember them!!!!!
My Teacher Aide work has started again in Earnest and it is nice to be back at school strangely enough so I am now working Mon to Friday 8.30 - 5.30pm and the ODD saturday work!!!! So I am busy busy busy and love it....
Samuel has been practising hardout for KARATE his grading is AUGUST `12th and 13th, he has been to Karate Mon and Thurs, Rugby Training Tues and Thurs (rugby thurs 4 - 5 Karate Thurs 5.30 - 7.30pm), then Rugby Saturday, HE IS a machine and I have purchased protein bars for him and a HEALTH fluid replacement (not powerade or Mizone) from the health stores a natural plant product much better for him.
My son won 2nd in Speech contest was pipped by half a point for first!!!!!!!!!!!! He won $50 whitcoulls voucher!!!!! For his efforts and was proud as punch!!!!!!
He was selected for Maths competition Aug 5th for 2 days to Represent Taupo at a national annual competition!!!! (he is wrapt), he then has Karate on Aug 12th,13th and THEN ...........................................................................................................................................................
HE is training for 2 days for the NZ SQUAD Aug 17th 18th out of the training squad ONLY BROWN and BLACK belts, the NZ TEAM is selected so he is PUMPED and training so hard I hope like hell it pays off HE SO DESERVES IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO as you can see we have been flatstick, IF you have got to the end of this THEN GOOD ON YOU!!!!! Now you can see why I post every 3 weeks or so I have much more to say!!!!!
On August 5th I am out to dinner while Samuel is away (the student is also away so has worked in well), THANKS to Jaxx I am using a meal voucher my friend and I are going out to THE SHED!!!!!!!! yay and on that note Hope everyone else is doing ok....
(further to the last few posts the "patient" is doing alot better and the mental health team have been told their pedigree once again.... His employer is the best man I know in NZ, he accommmodates him so well and has made part time employment available any times any days any hours, so he has the ability to stay motivated and busy and occupied (but not just as long hours thats all)........
Ciao
Friday, July 17, 2009
HUGE SLEEP and relief.....
Last night I slept like the GODS restful and the blankets smooth and flat no Dramas, no Dreams even just peaceful thank goodness I feel much better today HUMAN even, I am off to work and that is my day (I then have to clean then my own place) OH JOY!!.. Well close to 65 hours have passed and NO CONTACT from the said MISSING PERSON at times I could TEAR ALL MY HAIR OUT and SPIT!!!
DID I MENTION 60 hours has passed and no contact!!!!!! NOT FROM HIM or his USELESS FUCKING FAMILY!!!! IF I see him tonight I will slap him myself and then admit him................ TO THE A & E Ward for Grevious Bodily Harm.....
3pm and although I said I felt good AS the day wore on I felt more and more tired I had to work this morning and BOY IT DRAGGED.... BUT was necessary work.... I have to go back to work tonight BUT just for CHILDMINDING (I am a P. A. to a very busy family)used to be the NANNY but I am upgraded as I DO SOOOOOOOOOOO much more than that and I am paid well and CAN TAKE MY young son with me at all times and we have dinner there 2 nights a week (I cook it though).... we have even slept there, we have become their EXTENDED WHANAU aren't they LUCKY!!! haha they also have been tremendous to me over the years with all the issues I have had to deal with and although the work can be long hours and hard I appreciate the work and they APPRECIATE me .......
Have had a few phonecalls from Mental Health TEAM (whom haven't admitted said sick person) and HE IS DRIVING AROUND GOD KNOWS WHERE (cause he isn't ringing me!)HIS EMPLOYER hasn't heard hide nor hear from him either (NORTY NORTY NORTY) it is par and parcel with Bi Polar behaviour they have no accountability to anyone and ONLY think of themselves and what revolves around them!!!!! grrrrrrrrr the MENTAL HEALTH TEAM didn't ring his employer to get any background behaviour for the last few weeks (SLACK), it is the blind leading the blind and the YELLING WOMEN chasing close behind(namely me)......
I am over it all today I want to just explode BUT I have worked through it CLEANING relaxes me!!!!! AND BOY have I cleaned today upstairs downstairs, door and door frames ,lights,edges, sills, underbeds, bookcases, then kitchen, pantry, cupboard and AN OVEN!!!!!, then vaccumed dusted mopped floors and ironed, cleaned 3 bathrooms and 3 toilets, ALL AT someone elses house TOO I am currently NOW HOME cleaning my own house BUT I HAD VACCUMMED and dusted before I even left this morning!!!!!!!, I am also making Macaroni Cheese as I type for a lady who is bringing her son and herself to WATCH MY young fella while I am out HER SON is staying the night as they are good friends (and she also a good friend from our single days ) from OUR ORIGINAL BABY GROUP!!!!!
MY SON has rugby tomorrow so I needed him to have a good night sleep and not be out late with me , and he will need all the energy he can muster!!!!!!!
COME TOMORROW I am going to have the 3 R's RUGBY RUM and ROOTING, (well 2 out of 3 aint bad!)....
AND ROOTING is defiantely NOT HIGH on my list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL be glad to be back in the full swing of work again and have myself flat tack so I cant think and STEW!!!! (no offence Chris H)
On another note I may have a new flatmate WHICH BY MY calculations WILL make me VERY happy and financially FINALLY ON TOP (I have had a student for the last 3 weeks and THAT has certainly boosted the coffers and allowed some headway!!!! U DEFIANTELY NEED 2 incomes OR ONE DECENT INCOME!!!! ......... MAYBE just MAYBE I will treat myself to a massage(although I am SUPER UBER TICKLISH!), manicure pedicure and facial...(but knowing me I will get Radox soak in bath with FACE PACK, do my own feet and hands!!!! (which I am very good at!.... as I am a scrooge.!!!!!!!!!!
Well for someone who doesnt post for a month then does 3 in 30 hours I am done I may however come back and post some photos OF MY SON dressed up for a thing at the school before holidays!!! (he won a choc bar for his efforts!)
Ciao
DID I MENTION 60 hours has passed and no contact!!!!!! NOT FROM HIM or his USELESS FUCKING FAMILY!!!! IF I see him tonight I will slap him myself and then admit him................ TO THE A & E Ward for Grevious Bodily Harm.....
3pm and although I said I felt good AS the day wore on I felt more and more tired I had to work this morning and BOY IT DRAGGED.... BUT was necessary work.... I have to go back to work tonight BUT just for CHILDMINDING (I am a P. A. to a very busy family)used to be the NANNY but I am upgraded as I DO SOOOOOOOOOOO much more than that and I am paid well and CAN TAKE MY young son with me at all times and we have dinner there 2 nights a week (I cook it though).... we have even slept there, we have become their EXTENDED WHANAU aren't they LUCKY!!! haha they also have been tremendous to me over the years with all the issues I have had to deal with and although the work can be long hours and hard I appreciate the work and they APPRECIATE me .......
Have had a few phonecalls from Mental Health TEAM (whom haven't admitted said sick person) and HE IS DRIVING AROUND GOD KNOWS WHERE (cause he isn't ringing me!)HIS EMPLOYER hasn't heard hide nor hear from him either (NORTY NORTY NORTY) it is par and parcel with Bi Polar behaviour they have no accountability to anyone and ONLY think of themselves and what revolves around them!!!!! grrrrrrrrr the MENTAL HEALTH TEAM didn't ring his employer to get any background behaviour for the last few weeks (SLACK), it is the blind leading the blind and the YELLING WOMEN chasing close behind(namely me)......
I am over it all today I want to just explode BUT I have worked through it CLEANING relaxes me!!!!! AND BOY have I cleaned today upstairs downstairs, door and door frames ,lights,edges, sills, underbeds, bookcases, then kitchen, pantry, cupboard and AN OVEN!!!!!, then vaccumed dusted mopped floors and ironed, cleaned 3 bathrooms and 3 toilets, ALL AT someone elses house TOO I am currently NOW HOME cleaning my own house BUT I HAD VACCUMMED and dusted before I even left this morning!!!!!!!, I am also making Macaroni Cheese as I type for a lady who is bringing her son and herself to WATCH MY young fella while I am out HER SON is staying the night as they are good friends (and she also a good friend from our single days ) from OUR ORIGINAL BABY GROUP!!!!!
MY SON has rugby tomorrow so I needed him to have a good night sleep and not be out late with me , and he will need all the energy he can muster!!!!!!!
COME TOMORROW I am going to have the 3 R's RUGBY RUM and ROOTING, (well 2 out of 3 aint bad!)....
AND ROOTING is defiantely NOT HIGH on my list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL be glad to be back in the full swing of work again and have myself flat tack so I cant think and STEW!!!! (no offence Chris H)
On another note I may have a new flatmate WHICH BY MY calculations WILL make me VERY happy and financially FINALLY ON TOP (I have had a student for the last 3 weeks and THAT has certainly boosted the coffers and allowed some headway!!!! U DEFIANTELY NEED 2 incomes OR ONE DECENT INCOME!!!! ......... MAYBE just MAYBE I will treat myself to a massage(although I am SUPER UBER TICKLISH!), manicure pedicure and facial...(but knowing me I will get Radox soak in bath with FACE PACK, do my own feet and hands!!!! (which I am very good at!.... as I am a scrooge.!!!!!!!!!!
Well for someone who doesnt post for a month then does 3 in 30 hours I am done I may however come back and post some photos OF MY SON dressed up for a thing at the school before holidays!!! (he won a choc bar for his efforts!)
Ciao
Thursday, July 16, 2009
A LONG DAY and well hair is immaculate shame about the rest!!!!
After a very long day and MANY PHONE CALLS my partner is back in Taupo has mental health appointments all day tomorrow and is somewhat oblivious to all the MAILSTROM(sp) it caused today!!! as is often the case NO point in being angry I just dont get like that at him anymore, BUT towards his family I spew VENOM, not once did his DAD or MUM ring to say oh why isn't he at work today Tues/Wed is not his normal day off FRIDAY is!!!! Did you know he was here? Have there not been enough warning signs in the last 7 years to say HEY pick up the blardy phone and call me (useless barstards!) His brother whom I ring weekly and have close contact with didn't shed any constructive light on the matter at 9am even though he knew where he was HE offered the "Oh he is with DAD"( bearing in Mind the rest of his family LIVE IN TEPUKE!!!!) is that where he was HELL NO, he was with his DAD in Whanganui!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
His employer is relived I am thankful he has come back in one piece and alive, I have taken a muscle relaxant AS I AM SO tightly wound up I have NO ALCOHOL or CHOCOLATE!!!!! (perhaps a good thing), his employer is incredulous to ponder WHY his family are so dismissive of their own flesh and blood, it mystifies him. His employer is a wonderful couple they absolutely bend over backwards to accommodate his state and needs and are patient they deserve a blardy medal.
I have a very sore throat from YELLING not loudly but vigourously at others today, "I tried to picture "MY H A P P Y Place" BUT boy it wasn't happening today thats for real! I am quite tired and well wrung out I am heading to bed and so HELP ME I had better sleep tonight!!!!
Sometimes I wish the Earth would just stop a fraction so I could get off, and then I wish that I wasn't so stubborn and headstrong in the fact I feel compelled to help, I also wonder if my help isn't constructive anymore, CAUSE for me its Groundhog day again.......... (and I hear my mothers AWFUL comments ringing in my ears and think IS THIS it for me from here on in), because it wont get better it doesn't , we have to learn to manage what we have BUT HOW, HOW do you lessen the fallout from this, at least I didn't cry today and fall apart (this time I am not sooo tired and exhausted that is the only difference) am I becoming A HINDERANCE INSTEAD OF HIS HELP?
POSITIVES he is alive, he is back in Taupo, he didn't spin out too badly this time HE MAY be recognising some of the signs himself yay (thats a big step), he knows he has people around him whom care and love him, BUT is that enough?
Ciao
His employer is relived I am thankful he has come back in one piece and alive, I have taken a muscle relaxant AS I AM SO tightly wound up I have NO ALCOHOL or CHOCOLATE!!!!! (perhaps a good thing), his employer is incredulous to ponder WHY his family are so dismissive of their own flesh and blood, it mystifies him. His employer is a wonderful couple they absolutely bend over backwards to accommodate his state and needs and are patient they deserve a blardy medal.
I have a very sore throat from YELLING not loudly but vigourously at others today, "I tried to picture "MY H A P P Y Place" BUT boy it wasn't happening today thats for real! I am quite tired and well wrung out I am heading to bed and so HELP ME I had better sleep tonight!!!!
Sometimes I wish the Earth would just stop a fraction so I could get off, and then I wish that I wasn't so stubborn and headstrong in the fact I feel compelled to help, I also wonder if my help isn't constructive anymore, CAUSE for me its Groundhog day again.......... (and I hear my mothers AWFUL comments ringing in my ears and think IS THIS it for me from here on in), because it wont get better it doesn't , we have to learn to manage what we have BUT HOW, HOW do you lessen the fallout from this, at least I didn't cry today and fall apart (this time I am not sooo tired and exhausted that is the only difference) am I becoming A HINDERANCE INSTEAD OF HIS HELP?
POSITIVES he is alive, he is back in Taupo, he didn't spin out too badly this time HE MAY be recognising some of the signs himself yay (thats a big step), he knows he has people around him whom care and love him, BUT is that enough?
Ciao
Straight Hair STILL (wish my life was as simple)
Straight and easy no kinks or SURPRISES, no stressed tresses, no way out of control locks, no unmanagable mane!!!!!
BUT NOOOOOOOOOO it is not that simple,
THE FOLLOWING is a depressing post for today BUT THANKS for reading and its a place for me to type it out and release some of my angst.
My family choose to DISOWN me 6 years ago (no contact phone, post, email nothing including Aunties, grandparents )BECAUSE of my choice of partner (he has mental illness Bi Polar SEVERE at times), unfortunately HIS FAMILY DONT support him or actively help in securing him piece of mind and stability IT FALLS ALL on my shoulders AS BIG as they are they can't shoulder all the stress all the time.
My partner ( if it is indeed that, we live apart and that aint easy) and I say partner loosely because I feel like his support person at times and a glorified nurse, he is only 37. I help in his day to day care meals washing etc and his employers are wonderful people caring supportive and at times WORRIED as to how he will end up in life!! as do I he is one of 4 brothers and 2 of them have mental illness as well as the father (so no NOT GOOD ODDS).(he was diagnosed as a teenager but clearly suffered froma n early age)
THEY are stumped as to why his own family treat him so poorly and my family (well they dont treat us with anything head in the sand approach), I have no family here and my friends are my only support and catchnet, they listen to the rants, frustrations and tears all in good grace and WE all do as much as we can, BUT TO NO AVAIL, this wonderful man falls off the radar every 18months to 2 years and was AWOL for 48hours since Tuesday this week (turned up at his family this morning) dishevelled and a little out of sorts, mental health team are now involved again and down the slippery slope it goes, this time I am a little indifferent I am GLAD he has gone to his FAMILY because it is tiring and draining, it takes approximately 2-8 months of recovery time (NO WORK), I have tried to distance myself a little as IT IS SOOOOOOO disruptive and affects me as well and my son too, thats why I take all the extra work I have doing it on my own for nearly 18 months but over the last 7 years he hasn't worked for 3 years of that due to illness.
I try my absolute best to stay in control and on top of things BUT today feel more alone than ever, the Tauranga Mental Health Team are good people and I hope he stays closer to his family this time for all our sakes. I feel alot guilty that I CANT DO MORE, I FEEL at times given all the help he gets ( and clearly needs more he would excel GREATLY) if ONLY his family would step up more, I FEEL mildly responsible to help him as another human being and think IF I didnt then WHO? The thought of him homeless, jobless, and passed around (his family and yes JAXX can verify all of this) to me is terrifying.
At times I wish I had the money to fix all of it SO he DIDNT have to work BUT COULD just potter and tinker on his computers and cars ( he is a COMPUTER NERD/WHIZ has been since 7 years old), he has installed all the POST OFFICE communications Systems years ago WHEN internet BROADBAND became huge in the central and upper NORTH ISLAND, is an electrician, can do Auto Electrical work and is certainly no slouch BUT IT IS the day to day living that is hard for him ALL the other stuff that makes us function as people that he can't cope with.
Although he has many professional people down here helping BECAUSE Taupo isn't part of the DHB we fall under ROTORUA he sees different MENTAL PEOPLE and they change monthly................
HELLO WAKE UP mental health people need continuity of care and stability and ALL THE THINGS we take for granted!!!!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could make it all go away.
BUT NOOOOOOOOOO it is not that simple,
THE FOLLOWING is a depressing post for today BUT THANKS for reading and its a place for me to type it out and release some of my angst.
My family choose to DISOWN me 6 years ago (no contact phone, post, email nothing including Aunties, grandparents )BECAUSE of my choice of partner (he has mental illness Bi Polar SEVERE at times), unfortunately HIS FAMILY DONT support him or actively help in securing him piece of mind and stability IT FALLS ALL on my shoulders AS BIG as they are they can't shoulder all the stress all the time.
My partner ( if it is indeed that, we live apart and that aint easy) and I say partner loosely because I feel like his support person at times and a glorified nurse, he is only 37. I help in his day to day care meals washing etc and his employers are wonderful people caring supportive and at times WORRIED as to how he will end up in life!! as do I he is one of 4 brothers and 2 of them have mental illness as well as the father (so no NOT GOOD ODDS).(he was diagnosed as a teenager but clearly suffered froma n early age)
THEY are stumped as to why his own family treat him so poorly and my family (well they dont treat us with anything head in the sand approach), I have no family here and my friends are my only support and catchnet, they listen to the rants, frustrations and tears all in good grace and WE all do as much as we can, BUT TO NO AVAIL, this wonderful man falls off the radar every 18months to 2 years and was AWOL for 48hours since Tuesday this week (turned up at his family this morning) dishevelled and a little out of sorts, mental health team are now involved again and down the slippery slope it goes, this time I am a little indifferent I am GLAD he has gone to his FAMILY because it is tiring and draining, it takes approximately 2-8 months of recovery time (NO WORK), I have tried to distance myself a little as IT IS SOOOOOOO disruptive and affects me as well and my son too, thats why I take all the extra work I have doing it on my own for nearly 18 months but over the last 7 years he hasn't worked for 3 years of that due to illness.
I try my absolute best to stay in control and on top of things BUT today feel more alone than ever, the Tauranga Mental Health Team are good people and I hope he stays closer to his family this time for all our sakes. I feel alot guilty that I CANT DO MORE, I FEEL at times given all the help he gets ( and clearly needs more he would excel GREATLY) if ONLY his family would step up more, I FEEL mildly responsible to help him as another human being and think IF I didnt then WHO? The thought of him homeless, jobless, and passed around (his family and yes JAXX can verify all of this) to me is terrifying.
At times I wish I had the money to fix all of it SO he DIDNT have to work BUT COULD just potter and tinker on his computers and cars ( he is a COMPUTER NERD/WHIZ has been since 7 years old), he has installed all the POST OFFICE communications Systems years ago WHEN internet BROADBAND became huge in the central and upper NORTH ISLAND, is an electrician, can do Auto Electrical work and is certainly no slouch BUT IT IS the day to day living that is hard for him ALL the other stuff that makes us function as people that he can't cope with.
Although he has many professional people down here helping BECAUSE Taupo isn't part of the DHB we fall under ROTORUA he sees different MENTAL PEOPLE and they change monthly................
HELLO WAKE UP mental health people need continuity of care and stability and ALL THE THINGS we take for granted!!!!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could make it all go away.
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