A LONG DAY and well hair is immaculate shame about the rest!!!!

After a very long day and MANY PHONE CALLS my partner is back in Taupo has mental health appointments all day tomorrow and is somewhat oblivious to all the MAILSTROM(sp) it caused today!!! as is often the case NO point in being angry I just dont get like that at him anymore, BUT towards his family I spew VENOM, not once did his DAD or MUM ring to say oh why isn't he at work today Tues/Wed is not his normal day off FRIDAY is!!!! Did you know he was here? Have there not been enough warning signs in the last 7 years to say HEY pick up the blardy phone and call me (useless barstards!) His brother whom I ring weekly and have close contact with didn't shed any constructive light on the matter at 9am even though he knew where he was HE offered the "Oh he is with DAD"( bearing in Mind the rest of his family LIVE IN TEPUKE!!!!) is that where he was HELL NO, he was with his DAD in Whanganui!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

His employer is relived I am thankful he has come back in one piece and alive, I have taken a muscle relaxant AS I AM SO tightly wound up I have NO ALCOHOL or CHOCOLATE!!!!! (perhaps a good thing), his employer is incredulous to ponder WHY his family are so dismissive of their own flesh and blood, it mystifies him. His employer is a wonderful couple they absolutely bend over backwards to accommodate his state and needs and are patient they deserve a blardy medal.

I have a very sore throat from YELLING not loudly but vigourously at others today, "I tried to picture "MY H A P P Y Place" BUT boy it wasn't happening today thats for real! I am quite tired and well wrung out I am heading to bed and so HELP ME I had better sleep tonight!!!!

Sometimes I wish the Earth would just stop a fraction so I could get off, and then I wish that I wasn't so stubborn and headstrong in the fact I feel compelled to help, I also wonder if my help isn't constructive anymore, CAUSE for me its Groundhog day again.......... (and I hear my mothers AWFUL comments ringing in my ears and think IS THIS it for me from here on in), because it wont get better it doesn't , we have to learn to manage what we have BUT HOW, HOW do you lessen the fallout from this, at least I didn't cry today and fall apart (this time I am not sooo tired and exhausted that is the only difference) am I becoming A HINDERANCE INSTEAD OF HIS HELP?

POSITIVES he is alive, he is back in Taupo, he didn't spin out too badly this time HE MAY be recognising some of the signs himself yay (thats a big step), he knows he has people around him whom care and love him, BUT is that enough?

Ciao