HUGE SLEEP and relief.....

Last night I slept like the GODS restful and the blankets smooth and flat no Dramas, no Dreams even just peaceful thank goodness I feel much better today HUMAN even, I am off to work and that is my day (I then have to clean then my own place) OH JOY!!.. Well close to 65 hours have passed and NO CONTACT from the said MISSING PERSON at times I could TEAR ALL MY HAIR OUT and SPIT!!!

DID I MENTION 60 hours has passed and no contact!!!!!! NOT FROM HIM or his USELESS FUCKING FAMILY!!!! IF I see him tonight I will slap him myself and then admit him................ TO THE A & E Ward for Grevious Bodily Harm.....

3pm and although I said I felt good AS the day wore on I felt more and more tired I had to work this morning and BOY IT DRAGGED.... BUT was necessary work.... I have to go back to work tonight BUT just for CHILDMINDING (I am a P. A. to a very busy family)used to be the NANNY but I am upgraded as I DO SOOOOOOOOOOO much more than that and I am paid well and CAN TAKE MY young son with me at all times and we have dinner there 2 nights a week (I cook it though).... we have even slept there, we have become their EXTENDED WHANAU aren't they LUCKY!!! haha they also have been tremendous to me over the years with all the issues I have had to deal with and although the work can be long hours and hard I appreciate the work and they APPRECIATE me .......

Have had a few phonecalls from Mental Health TEAM (whom haven't admitted said sick person) and HE IS DRIVING AROUND GOD KNOWS WHERE (cause he isn't ringing me!)HIS EMPLOYER hasn't heard hide nor hear from him either (NORTY NORTY NORTY) it is par and parcel with Bi Polar behaviour they have no accountability to anyone and ONLY think of themselves and what revolves around them!!!!! grrrrrrrrr the MENTAL HEALTH TEAM didn't ring his employer to get any background behaviour for the last few weeks (SLACK), it is the blind leading the blind and the YELLING WOMEN chasing close behind(namely me)......

I am over it all today I want to just explode BUT I have worked through it CLEANING relaxes me!!!!! AND BOY have I cleaned today upstairs downstairs, door and door frames ,lights,edges, sills, underbeds, bookcases, then kitchen, pantry, cupboard and AN OVEN!!!!!, then vaccumed dusted mopped floors and ironed, cleaned 3 bathrooms and 3 toilets, ALL AT someone elses house TOO I am currently NOW HOME cleaning my own house BUT I HAD VACCUMMED and dusted before I even left this morning!!!!!!!, I am also making Macaroni Cheese as I type for a lady who is bringing her son and herself to WATCH MY young fella while I am out HER SON is staying the night as they are good friends (and she also a good friend from our single days ) from OUR ORIGINAL BABY GROUP!!!!!

MY SON has rugby tomorrow so I needed him to have a good night sleep and not be out late with me , and he will need all the energy he can muster!!!!!!!

COME TOMORROW I am going to have the 3 R's RUGBY RUM and ROOTING, (well 2 out of 3 aint bad!)....
AND ROOTING is defiantely NOT HIGH on my list!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WILL be glad to be back in the full swing of work again and have myself flat tack so I cant think and STEW!!!! (no offence Chris H)

On another note I may have a new flatmate WHICH BY MY calculations WILL make me VERY happy and financially FINALLY ON TOP (I have had a student for the last 3 weeks and THAT has certainly boosted the coffers and allowed some headway!!!! U DEFIANTELY NEED 2 incomes OR ONE DECENT INCOME!!!! ......... MAYBE just MAYBE I will treat myself to a massage(although I am SUPER UBER TICKLISH!), manicure pedicure and facial...(but knowing me I will get Radox soak in bath with FACE PACK, do my own feet and hands!!!! (which I am very good at!.... as I am a scrooge.!!!!!!!!!!

Well for someone who doesnt post for a month then does 3 in 30 hours I am done I may however come back and post some photos OF MY SON dressed up for a thing at the school before holidays!!! (he won a choc bar for his efforts!)

Ciao

A LONG DAY and well hair is immaculate shame about the rest!!!!

After a very long day and MANY PHONE CALLS my partner is back in Taupo has mental health appointments all day tomorrow and is somewhat oblivious to all the MAILSTROM(sp) it caused today!!! as is often the case NO point in being angry I just dont get like that at him anymore, BUT towards his family I spew VENOM, not once did his DAD or MUM ring to say oh why isn't he at work today Tues/Wed is not his normal day off FRIDAY is!!!! Did you know he was here? Have there not been enough warning signs in the last 7 years to say HEY pick up the blardy phone and call me (useless barstards!) His brother whom I ring weekly and have close contact with didn't shed any constructive light on the matter at 9am even though he knew where he was HE offered the "Oh he is with DAD"( bearing in Mind the rest of his family LIVE IN TEPUKE!!!!) is that where he was HELL NO, he was with his DAD in Whanganui!!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

His employer is relived I am thankful he has come back in one piece and alive, I have taken a muscle relaxant AS I AM SO tightly wound up I have NO ALCOHOL or CHOCOLATE!!!!! (perhaps a good thing), his employer is incredulous to ponder WHY his family are so dismissive of their own flesh and blood, it mystifies him. His employer is a wonderful couple they absolutely bend over backwards to accommodate his state and needs and are patient they deserve a blardy medal.

I have a very sore throat from YELLING not loudly but vigourously at others today, "I tried to picture "MY H A P P Y Place" BUT boy it wasn't happening today thats for real! I am quite tired and well wrung out I am heading to bed and so HELP ME I had better sleep tonight!!!!

Sometimes I wish the Earth would just stop a fraction so I could get off, and then I wish that I wasn't so stubborn and headstrong in the fact I feel compelled to help, I also wonder if my help isn't constructive anymore, CAUSE for me its Groundhog day again.......... (and I hear my mothers AWFUL comments ringing in my ears and think IS THIS it for me from here on in), because it wont get better it doesn't , we have to learn to manage what we have BUT HOW, HOW do you lessen the fallout from this, at least I didn't cry today and fall apart (this time I am not sooo tired and exhausted that is the only difference) am I becoming A HINDERANCE INSTEAD OF HIS HELP?

POSITIVES he is alive, he is back in Taupo, he didn't spin out too badly this time HE MAY be recognising some of the signs himself yay (thats a big step), he knows he has people around him whom care and love him, BUT is that enough?

Ciao

Straight Hair STILL (wish my life was as simple)

Straight and easy no kinks or SURPRISES, no stressed tresses, no way out of control locks, no unmanagable mane!!!!!

BUT NOOOOOOOOOO it is not that simple,

THE FOLLOWING is a depressing post for today BUT THANKS for reading and its a place for me to type it out and release some of my angst.

My family choose to DISOWN me 6 years ago (no contact phone, post, email nothing including Aunties, grandparents )BECAUSE of my choice of partner (he has mental illness Bi Polar SEVERE at times), unfortunately HIS FAMILY DONT support him or actively help in securing him piece of mind and stability IT FALLS ALL on my shoulders AS BIG as they are they can't shoulder all the stress all the time.
My partner ( if it is indeed that, we live apart and that aint easy) and I say partner loosely because I feel like his support person at times and a glorified nurse, he is only 37. I help in his day to day care meals washing etc and his employers are wonderful people caring supportive and at times WORRIED as to how he will end up in life!! as do I he is one of 4 brothers and 2 of them have mental illness as well as the father (so no NOT GOOD ODDS).(he was diagnosed as a teenager but clearly suffered froma n early age)

THEY are stumped as to why his own family treat him so poorly and my family (well they dont treat us with anything head in the sand approach), I have no family here and my friends are my only support and catchnet, they listen to the rants, frustrations and tears all in good grace and WE all do as much as we can, BUT TO NO AVAIL, this wonderful man falls off the radar every 18months to 2 years and was AWOL for 48hours since Tuesday this week (turned up at his family this morning) dishevelled and a little out of sorts, mental health team are now involved again and down the slippery slope it goes, this time I am a little indifferent I am GLAD he has gone to his FAMILY because it is tiring and draining, it takes approximately 2-8 months of recovery time (NO WORK), I have tried to distance myself a little as IT IS SOOOOOOO disruptive and affects me as well and my son too, thats why I take all the extra work I have doing it on my own for nearly 18 months but over the last 7 years he hasn't worked for 3 years of that due to illness.

I try my absolute best to stay in control and on top of things BUT today feel more alone than ever, the Tauranga Mental Health Team are good people and I hope he stays closer to his family this time for all our sakes. I feel alot guilty that I CANT DO MORE, I FEEL at times given all the help he gets ( and clearly needs more he would excel GREATLY) if ONLY his family would step up more, I FEEL mildly responsible to help him as another human being and think IF I didnt then WHO? The thought of him homeless, jobless, and passed around (his family and yes JAXX can verify all of this) to me is terrifying.

At times I wish I had the money to fix all of it SO he DIDNT have to work BUT COULD just potter and tinker on his computers and cars ( he is a COMPUTER NERD/WHIZ has been since 7 years old), he has installed all the POST OFFICE communications Systems years ago WHEN internet BROADBAND became huge in the central and upper NORTH ISLAND, is an electrician, can do Auto Electrical work and is certainly no slouch BUT IT IS the day to day living that is hard for him ALL the other stuff that makes us function as people that he can't cope with.

Although he has many professional people down here helping BECAUSE Taupo isn't part of the DHB we fall under ROTORUA he sees different MENTAL PEOPLE and they change monthly................

HELLO WAKE UP mental health people need continuity of care and stability and ALL THE THINGS we take for granted!!!!!!!

Sometimes I wish I could make it all go away.

I NEED TO CLARIFY

sorry for the nearly nudey photo TMI for some I am sure lol, BUT as my son was taking the photo IM SHREIKING and half laughing FOR GAWD sake DONT go any lower!!!!!!!!!!!! or the whole of the blog world will lose their breakfast!!!!!!!!!!! I still at the end of today have beautiful hair it is amazing I ran a comb thru it about 5 mins ago just lightly and it feels SHINY SILKY SOFT and SMOOTH!!!!!!!!! JUST AMAZING I bet yall get sick of me going on about my shiny smooth flat hair BUT seen as we are only on day 2 I'm far from done!!! I am off to the hairdressers tomorrow at 3pm for a wash and cut (2 more inches off) for it to sit right (for me), and then they will blow dry straighten lightly with the hair straighteners(this is just for the first few washes ) and IM GOOD to GO, I am taking my new hairdo out for a MID XMAS pot luck dinner saturday night and too watch the TEST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! go the brown brothers (AB's) so I might even have a vino or 3.......................
Ciao

Flat Hair day two....... YAY

yay lookie here I have still FLAT hair excuse the bare shoulders I was just out of the bathroom!!!!!!!! I have not laid a brush or comb anywhere near my hair for more than 48 hours how cool is that NOT ONE hair out of place!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is soooooooooooo cool...........

FLAT HAIR DAY

YA YAY YAY I woke up this morning NOW picture this got out of bed went straight to mirror NOT A SINGLE HAIR out of place not ONE!!!!!! and I have not had to comb or brush it or touch (A: I aren't allowed to until Friday ) BUT I tell yall IT has not kinked moved or even ruffled I have no flyway no stray strands YAY not one hair out of place I CANT BELIEVE IT,



On another note I had a restless sleep every time I turned over I felt my hair and smoothed it out so it wasn't scrunched or bunched AND I normally sleep like an EPILIPTIC OCTOPUS!!!!!! so the vision of a super flat bed and sheets IS NOT NORMAL FOR ME!!!!


HOWEVER SUPER UBER FLAT HAIR is amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I swear it is SHINIER this morning than yesterday it looks gorgeous. I will get someone to take a photo soon so you can see it later tonight maybe. I cant wet my hair or wash it until Friday afternoon so an UMBRELLA is a must today and I am having a FRENCH wash today instead of shower as the steam and mist from water is a no no!!!!!! Oh well bucket and flannel here I come!!!!!

ciao

OK HERE GOES NOTHING PHOTOS GALORE

Just a reminder OF WHAT I had to tame EVERYDAY for the most of my 41 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
At the age of 7 I had hair down to my bottom and all one length, my mother would wash my hair and 7 in the morning and put it up before school when it was let down after school it would still be wet!!!! where scrunhie and ribbons had been, it would take an hour to rag roll at night and then an hour to comb and section before wash for school!!!!!!!

Ok first photo is of the 6 inches cut off my hair YES 6 inches and it looked like a dead possum!!!!

Then this product goes on takes about 20 mins to apply is thicker than porridge and really stinky, (nah it didnt smell too bad) that was left in for 40 mins (can be up to an hour)....

They glad wrap your head of course and that is the bees knees (NOT) ............

Then your hair is washed, blow dried straight then straightened with straighteners and glossed THEN neutralized and THEN yip you guessed it they leave that for 10 mins then wash and repeat!!!!!!!!!again wash blow dry straightened neutralise!

NEARLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FINISHED PRODUCT and boy IT IS WAY GLOSSIER and SUPER UBER SHINY now you cant get this done if your hair has colour in it ANY REMNANTS of colour has to be cut away aside from the fact I had 10 month old colour in there I opted to have 6 inches cut anyhoo.

Below was my hair at 9.30am Tuesday 9th June 2009 I even liked it this morning but didnt think twice about the opportunity of having nice straight hair I am wrapt with the result yes I have had straight hair before (GHD straight) BUT nothing prepares you for the SUPER FLAT straightness of professionally PERMANENT straightening TOTAL cost $650. Cost to ME $40 for the product, I bought the apprentice hairdresser (I was her model) a bunch of flowers some choccies and a bottle of wine for her efforts IT TOOK 4 hours from start to finish and I counted 15 treatment steps from wash to cut, product to wash blowdry to straightened gloss to neutraliser then wash to blowdry and straighten to more neutraliser too final wash and blow dry and straighten then super high gloss !!!!! They are going to lift it at the back by 1 - 2 inches and then I am done

and you will all get the gist of the story NEEDLESS TO SAY my hair is SUPERB!!!!!!! Janene I realize I have gorgeous curly hair I always have BUT this is a BUG BEAR, on the first day I wash it and style it , IT LOOKS stunning by day 2 and 3 it is FRIZZY BOOFY FLYWAY and sticks out like an overgrown hedgerow!!!! lol I have had my hair straightened before just for a day or 2 BUT when this opportunity came I jumped at it!!!!! I am soooooo lucky I cant stop pinching myself. I have had thick curly hair all my life even down to my bottom when I was 7 and I had it drastically chopped then it grew again too below my bra strap all one length, I then had a major car accident and 15 years ago lost all my beautiful curls, since the accident I have had 2 major surgeries a baby and my hair WAS NEVER the same I grew it out for 15 years to hopefully regain my beautiful locks sadly they aren't coming back and WELL I hope to have straight hair for at least 6 months and up to 10 months!!! Maori and Pacific Island hair is the best hair for straightening it is genetically strong and wiry and able to withstand the chemical process!!!! In my opinion WELL WORTH it......... (oh and I only had my hair coloured twice in the last 10 years although I have a handful of grey hairs it doesnt bother me the grey hair I like to think it adds character.) And that was my day basically teacher Aide for an hour hairdressers 4 hours worked 3 hours then home!!!!!

Ciao